


Royal pain

by PaperHatCollection



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, everyone thinks they are dating au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-22 23:52:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16607816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaperHatCollection/pseuds/PaperHatCollection
Summary: Everyone thinks Pride and Anxiety are dating… and they aren't making it easy on anyone either, at least not after they found out about the betting pool.





	Royal pain

Virgil hated family meeting nights.

He wasn’t a social guy by nature, so it was already bad enough that he spent most of his time with four other people (counting three sides and one Thomas), but once a month he had to meet up with _eight_ people in the same room? He’d rather sink into his hoodie and disappear into the shadow realm.

“Man, it’s just _nice_ to get together like this, huh Virg?” Luke asked, leaning over from where he was sitting on the stairs. He was holding onto the rail, but stretched out as far as he could anyways, trying to peek at Virgil's face under his hoodie. “We don’t do it often enough, you know? Maybe we could try meeting up later, maybe go for a coffee…?”

Virgil, who was sitting at the bottom of the stairs with his back to the wall, grabbed the strings to his hoodie and slowly began to close his hood. “Nah. Ask Remy, I’m sure he’d _love_ to go to starbucks with you.” he said. Anxiety knew his opposite, Love (aka, lets interact with as many people as we possibly can!!!), well enough to know the best way to lose his attention was to direct it to someone else.

“Really?” Luke asked, jumping to his feet and leaning on the railing, the upper half of his body facing the window where Patton and Remy were chatting with each other about something or another that probably involved puns. “Hey, hey Remy!” he shouted.

Now everyone was looking at them. Virgil pushed himself further towards the ground, sticking his hands in his hoodies pockets while Luke kept shouting. “After this do you wanna go on a starbucks date with me?!” Luke asked, voice louder than it needed to be given that they were all in the same room.

“Inside voices.” Logan added, coughing into his fist in what he probably thought was a super subtle move.

“Oh? Huh, sure, why not?” Remy answered. He shrugged, and dumped his current cup of coffee into the trash. “Oh, look at that, I just ran out. Guess I’ll have to go with you for a refill anyways.”

“How _sweet_.” Basil muttered in his ‘I’m lying’ voice. Plus, for some reason, he looked like he was trying to hide behind Logan from his spot besides the stairs. Normally, when half his face looked like a snake, Basil didn’t bother to try and hide unless he’d shapeshifted. Virgil ignored it, sure it would come up in the meeting.

“Great,” Thomas smiled and clapped his hands, looking around. “Now, uh, we _could_ start this at _any_ time and get it over with if Pride was here.” he glanced back at Roman, who was standing alone by the tv with his arms crossed. “Any sign of him?”

“No!” Roman looked like he was about to stomp his foot and throw a fit. “He’s not answering my calls! I don’t know what that guys _problems_ are!”

Great, just great. Looks like the royal pains were gonna be a problem _yet again_ . Virgil sighed and finally pushed himself off the floor, which was and had been uncomfortable for some time now. His legs were falling asleep and his butt hurt. This meeting was gonna take all day just to _start_ at this point. “Has anyone else tried summoning him?”

“No, why would that help?” Roman snapped. Virgil ignored it- he could tell the prince was stressed out already.

“Cause maybe he’s just mad at you?” Virgil asked, raising an eyebrow. “Everyone knows you two don’t exactly… get along.” He shrugged, glancing at Thomas and cupping his hands around his mouth. “Hey! Royal-pain-in-my-ass! Are you gonna get out here so we can start this meeting or what?!”

“I have arrived!” King announced, appearing in the room way quicker than Virgil thought he would. Honestly he’d figured King would just ignore him too. And, of course, King had arrived posing, just like Roman. One hand was raised to the sky, palm up, and the other was held over his chest dainty. Conveniently, the pose caused his long black cape to flutter around his shoulders and show off his white blouse with ruffles and the blue sash tied around his waist. Plus of _course_ he’d appeared in the middle of the room, standing besides Thomas instead of his spot besides Roman. “Yes, I know, hold your applause.”

Roman made several hand gestures at King and Virgil that looked like he was juggling invisible balls. “Why did you answer _his_ summoning and not _mine_?!” he asked.

“A _King_ does not answer to a _Prince_.” King explained, voice smug as always. Virgil rolled his eyes.

“But you’ll answer to Royal-pain-in-my-ass, got it.” Virgil noted, finger gunning at King.

He’d expected to be ignored, an eye roll at the most, but apparently King was in the mood to delay this meeting with whatever opportunities he was thrown. Instead he actually turned to Virgil with an over dramatic flourish of his cape, which he ignored hitting Thomas and making him jump back, and crossed the room to Virgil in three quick strides. He grabbed Virgil's hand and brought it to his lips, even as Virgil leaned back and away from him. “I suppose it I’m beating Roman out for that title, it’ll do.” he said, winking at Virgil. Virgil yanked his hand back.

“Hey! Okay Draco wardrobe _malfunciton_ ,” oof, not Roman’s strongest. “Keep your hands to yourself and leave dark Ruffalo _alone_ . Also, _get over here_ so we can get this whole thing started already!”

“Why?” King asked as he threw a glance over his shoulder, sounding perfectly calm in contrast to Roman’s near-full on panic. “Is something the matter? Afraid I’ll sweep poor Anxiety off his feet and bring him back to _our_ side of the mindscape?” he asked, straining and turning as he spoke, ending up besides Virgil. He grabbed Virgils hip, yanking him closer to himself while grinning at Roman all the while.

Virgil couldn’t roll his eyes any harder than he currently was. He reached a hand up, grabbing the black crown from King’s head and yanked away from his side. King gasped, narrowing his eyes at Virgil and trying to grab his crown back immediately, only for Virgil to choose the flight option and run halfway up the stairs. Luke, who was staying out of this, was at the top.

“Give that _back_ .” King growled, his amusement gone. But Virgil had a _plan_.

“You really want it back?” Virgil asked, lifting the crown in one hand. It was black and made of surprisingly heavy steel, he didn’t understand how King could stand to wear it on his head all the time. “Better get back to your spot than.” he tossed it towards Roman, who grabbed it out of the air on reflex. He almost dropped it, juggling it in the air for a few seconds before grabbing it and pulling it back to his chest.

Again, King decided he wasn’t going to do what Virgil thought he would. He figured King’s priority would be his crown- forcing him to finally get to his side of the room. Instead King stepped forward, up the stairs, and literally swept Virgil's feet out from under him while he was still off balance from his throw. He caught him before he hit the carpet, holding him in his arms in a deep bow.

“You think you’re _so smart_ , don’t you?” King asked, way to close to Virgils face. “But I suppose I _did_ sweep you off your feet after all, huh?”

Virgil hated how dramatic this guy was. “Let go of me.”

He did, immediately dropping Virgil to the ground. He ignored Virgil’s _‘Ow!_ ’, snapping back upright and descending from the stairs and across the rooms with a surprising amount of grace, snatching his crown unceremoniously from Roman and placing it back atop his head.

“Uhhhh… okay, let’s get start.” Thomas announced, trying to clear some of the awkwardness from the air. Virgil pushed himself up and returned to his spot, trying to ignore the glances the others were sending his way. “To start, we’ve figured out whos been stealing Patton's cookies. Basil, do you have anything you’d like to say?”

 

\-----

 

“Oh, they’re _fucking_.” Remy argued.

“I don’t know, I just think King’s a little touchy feely and doesn't respect personal boundaries.” Luke said. He took a sip of his thai iced tea, eyes being drawn towards the fake starbucks around them. They couldn’t visit a real one unless Thomas did, so an illusion in the mindscape would have to do. The drink names were all puns based on the sides, he couldn’t focus on the faces of any of the other ‘people’ in the cafe, and the background noise was literally a general muttering with no clear voices standing out from the rest, but it made do. “Plus, Virg’s always liked to push other people's buttons.”

“King was practically _making out_ with Virgil in front of everyone!” Remy argued, slamming their coffee cup against the table hard enough that the lid popped off. “I mean, did you _see_ the way they were bouncing off each other? One, _since when has KING ever let anyone treat him like that_ , and two, _that was practiced_ ! They’re _totally_ fucking!”

“But you know King hates the meetings. I mean, he _really_ , really hates them.” Luke pointed out. “Plus he likes to be the center of attention. He was just chewing the scenery is all. Sides, _of course_ they know each other pretty well,” Luke shrugged and sat back. “With all the time they spend working together, I’d be shocked if they didn’t.”

“Plus they- wait, they do what now?” Remy asked, lowering his sunglass with one finger so he could pear over the rim, narrowing his eyes as he leaned across the table. “Shut up.” Luke stopped talking. “Well? Keep the gossip coming!”

“Oh, well,” Luke tapped the bottom of his chin, thinking. “Virgil’s Anxiety and King’s Pride, so Thomas literally gets his ego and self image and all that from the two’s interactions. They kinda have to work together for their jobs, you know? I’m surprised you haven't noticed, to be honest, but with how secretive King can be about his life I guess it makes sense.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t even notice until I swapped rooms with Virgil, and King showed up one night to speak to him. Guess he forgot we’d moved. Plus King demanded I never speak of it to anyone-” Luke cut himself off, blinking and looking off into the distance. “Oh my god. They’re fucking.”

“I told you! They’re _fucking_ !” Remy shouted, jumping up and pointing at Luke. “I _knew_ it! All that talk about Prince hate or whatever and he was sneaking around with a _King_ behind our backs this whole time!”

“Do you think he wears the crown in bed?” Luke asked.

“King or Virgil?”

“Oh my god, either of them.”

 

\-----

 

“You are reading into this without nearly enough information to make a solid conclusion.” Logan flipped to the next page in his book, not even taking his eyes off the novel to address those he was talking to. “Besides, all you’d have to do is _ask_ either of them, and they’d be able to clear things up for you.”

“You don’t get it!” Remy huffed and crossed his arms. “They’ve been keeping it a _secret_ , they aren't gonna admit it!”

“ _Loooogan_ ,” Patton whined, leaning forward on the couch “What if they _are_ ? They’re normally so _private_ ,” Logan imagined that word replaced with ‘anti-social’. “It’s great that they’ve found each other like this! Besides, Virgil’s must be a good fisher, to get a _royal catch_ like King.”

Logan was about to speak up and remind the heart in the room that he was speaking in present tense, when he didn’t really know if they’d gotten together, but Roman beat him to it. “No! Absolutely not! There’s no way Virgil would fall for that- that- _royal buffoon_!” he spread his hands upwards, gesturing wildly, before dropping them back to the floor he was laying on. “Trust me, you guys are grasping at straws here!”

“Uh…” Thomas felt awkward, sitting on the couch in the middle of this argument. Maybe today wasn’t such a good time to visit his mind palace. “I… _really_ can’t imagine those two getting together, and if they’re created by my imagination, wouldn’t that mean that they wouldn’t, or- wait…”

“See?!” Roman bolted upright, pointing at Thomas. “ _Thomas_ agrees with me, _plus_ I _am_ Creativity here, and _I_ can’t imagine they’d make a good pairing.”

“Ah kiddo it’s okay to be a little jealous.” Patton assured Roman as he stuttered and choked on a response. He placed a hand on Roman’s shoulder, smiling. “I know you get possessive of your friends, but that’s no reason Virgil can’t have a boyfriend.”

“Right, ‘friends’.” Roman muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah?! Well,” Remy slammed a 20 dollar bill on the table. “Twenty bucks says that they’re together?”

“Wait, when did we devolve to the point of placing bets-” Logan began, lowering his book. “But alright, if that is your bet I will place another twenty on them _not_ being together. No- make that twenty-five.”

“You’re _on_!”

“Specs!” Roman gasped and turned to face Logan. “Since when have you been a betting man?!”

“Well, Remy started it, so it was only natural to continue and provide our own counter bet.” Logan explained.

“I don’t have any money,” Patton sighed, thinking. “But I can make whichever side is right they’re favorite sweets, I guess?”

“I guess I can put ten bucks down?” Thomas offered. “I mean, that’s what I have in my pocket right now so… plus I _really_ don’t think they’re dating, you guys.”

“Thirty.” Luke flashed the stack of fives that looked a lot more impressive than it really was. “On them _totally_ fucking.”

“Language!” Patton gasped.

“A hundred dollars! And full creative rights to Thomas next dream!” Roman yelled, slapping a couple fiftys onto the table. When everyone stared at him, he just flipped his hair to the side. “What? Go big or go home.”

“You do realize that we’re going to need someone to moderate all… this, right?” Logan pointed out, making little gestures towards the money piling up on the table. Keep track of the bets, pass out the winning once we’ve got our answer- oh, and we need to decide _how_ we’re going to figure out the truth here.”

“I can do it.” Deceit said, stepping dramatically out from the shadows.

“Oh, I was wondering why you were standing in the darkest corner of the room.” Patton said. “Hi, Basil!”

Roman rolled his eyes. “Uh huh. Why would trust you for this, huh?”

“Because,” Basil smiled, which made his snake side like pretty darn sinister. “I’m _Deceit_ . I know when people are lying. If Virgil or King tried to lie to me, I’d still know the truth.” he waited, but no one rejected his statement even as they exchanged look. “To put it simply, I’m the only one who _can_ take on this role.”

 

\-----

 

“Anxiety, a moment please.” Basil called, the other side pausing in the middle of the hall and glancing back at his approach. “This won’t take long.”

“Deceit.” Virgil rubbed a hand down his face. “I know you, and I know when you’re lying.”

Basil shrugged, stopping and folding his arms behind his back. “True, but this is the truth; how long this takes depends on how long you dodge my questions.”

Vigil sighed. “Okay, fine. Shoot.”

“Great, firstly, are you dating Pride?”

Virgil stiffened, turning to face Basil slowly. Basil said nothing, watching Virgil quickly with a grin on his face, waiting for his answer. He had to admit, Virgil looked like he’d been told someone had spit into his morning coffee.

“No.” Virgil answered. Basil deflated, looking disappointed. “Why would I date _that_ asshole?”

“Oh, is that what all the whispering is about?”

Virgil and Basil snapped their attention down the hall, where King was approaching. Neither had even noticed him show up. “I was wondering what all those extra looks were for- not that I’m complaining, mind you.” he mused, a smile stretching across his face. “Amusing, isn't it Anxiety? I heard there was a betting pool, but I wasn’t _quite_ sure what it was for.”

“A betting pool?” Virgil asked, gears turning in his head.

“Ah- yes.” Basil coughed into his fists. He never was as comfortable around King as he was Virgil. “But I suppose it’s over now-”

“Wait-” Virgil placed his hand on Basil’s shoulder. “There’s no rule saying _I_ can’t place a bet, is there?”

“I…” Basil paused to think about that. “I don’t see why not? I take it you’re gonna bet in the ‘not dating’ category?”

“Nope.” Virgil smiled. “I’m gonna place a dollar in the ‘not dating but we’re gonna totally convince _everyone_ we are’ category.”

“Oh, now _that_ is clever.” King purred. “I _love_ it. Put me down for the same bet, and I know how we’ll be able to do it by breakfast tomorrow morning.”

 

\-----

 

Virgil could feel the butterflies in his stomach going crazy as he walked down the stairs, adjusting the coat- well, _cloak_ on his shoulders. It was heavier than he was used to, but that was kinda comforting. Like he’d draped a blanket over his back. He stopped to listen, making sure he could pick out everyone else in the general mutter of voices coming from the kitchen, before slapping on his best ‘I’m too tired to function correctly face’ and shuffled his away down the finally few steps, around the corner, and into the kitchen.

He was rubbing his eye as he entered, keeping his gaze down and trying not to look too obvious. But, no one made any obvious attempts signs they’d noticed him right away. He practically fell in the nearest chair near the end of the table, slumping over and yawning. It gave him a chance to glance at the rest of the table, see what was going on. Logan and Basil were locked in a debate of some kind, which seemed to have caught most people's attention. Roman was watching them, but talking back towards Luke, who was besides him. Patton was in the kitchen, his back to the table.

Roman lifted his mug, taking a drink as he turned towards Luke. His eyes passing over Virgil. Virgil was pretending to be half asleep, leaning his forehead against his hand, but even he could see when Roman spat his coffee back out onto the table, coughing on the drink and hitting his chest with his fist. Naturally, _that_ got people's attention.

“Roman!” Luke gasped, placing his hand on the princes arm. “Breath!”

“You… should slow down if you are having trouble ingesting your coffee.” Logan suggested, flinching slightly as he wiped coffee off his arm with a spare napkin.

Roman shook his head, pointing at Virgil and practically jabbing his finger in his direction. A hush fell over the table as everyone realized that, instead of his normal hoodie, he was wearing King’s cloak, the high collar practically covering his face and the black fabric draping his body like something out of a vampire film. Virgil looked completely unaware of the attention on him, head dipping slightly as if he was about to fall asleep.

It was in that moment that King chose to enter the room, stretching with one arm above his head and the other holding his elbow. Obviously missing his cape, but also wearing a black shirt that definitely wasn’t his, his sash thrown across his shoulders Roman style as if he’d gotten dressed in a hurry. He took his usual spot at the end of the table, he gaze reaching up to meet the rest of the rooms unflinchingly.

His eyes slid to the side, to where Virgil was sitting. Mild surprise flew across his face, then a knowing smile. He reached over and pulled the cloak off Virgil's shoulders, causing the younger side to jerk up in surprise for a second, as if jolted awake, before returning to leaning on the table. King swept his clock back around to his back, fastening it around his shoulders nonchalantly.

There was a high pitched sound slowly growing in volume, which turned out to be Patton squealing in joy at the sight before him. Remy jumped to his feet, slamming one hand on the table and pointing his other at Logan. “I TOLD you Specs!” Remy yelled in a glee filled tone. “I _TOLD_ you they were fucking!”

“I…” Logan adjusted his glasses, his eyes briefly flashing towards the pair at the end of the table before returning to Remy. “I suppose you were right.”

Roman was looking between Virgil and King, his mouth opening and closing, but no sound was coming out other than the wheeze of air.

Thomas, who was sitting on the other end of the table from King, was watching in mute surprise. “Well. Huh. What do you know?”

“So,” Basil stood up and cleared his throat. “Are we all in agreement then?”

He glanced around, just to see if anyone would disagree, but everyone was nodding. Except Roman, but he clearly agreed. Basil nodded, and looked towards the end of the table. “Alright, you two win.”

“ _Yes_!” Virgil cheered, pumping his fist in the air and suddenly very much awake. King sat back, grinning proudly and snapping his fingers, changing his clothing back to his normal attire. Virgil reached under his chair, pulling his hoodie out from nowhere and putting it on.

“Huh?”

“What?”

“Wait, what’s going on?”

“Oh,” Virgil glanced back. “Did Deceit not _tell_ you guys?” he asked.

“Tell us… what?” Thomas asked, glancing at Basil, who was smiling nervously.

“Ah, yes.” Basil shrugged. “I forgot to tell you, they decided to join the betting pool under ‘Not dating, but you all would think they were.” That was a good way of rephrasing that trick. “And they’ve won.”

“Basil!” Remy leapt across the table, forcing Deceit to flee. “You _JERK!_ We all know what a lie of omission is! GET BACK HERE!”

“GottagoyouguysknowwheretofindyourprizesBYE!” Basil gasped out in one long breath, sinking out moments before Remy could grab him. Instead he went flying over the spot where Basil was, crashing into the far wall.

“I-uh, just remembered something that will get me out of being here right this moment.” Virgil announced, snapping his fingers. “Gotta go!” he sinked down. A glance towards King’s chair would show he was already gone.

 

\-----

 

The knocking wouldn’t stop.

Virgil lifted his head from his pillow, glancing towards the door with a bit lip. He really didn’t want to deal with Remy right after he’d pulled that trick- but if it really was them, they wern’t going away. He pushed himself off the bed, approaching the door quietly.

“Hey.” the knocking soft. “Look, I’m sorry about the prank, but I’m not stepping out there and getting my head knocked off.”

Silence. Virgil hopped whoever it was would go away, then-

“Virgil, it’s me.”

He opened the door without a second thought, letting Roman in and tackle him into a hug. He just about managed to close the door, hopping backwards with Roman clinging to him so that he could sit on the end of the bed.

“Virgil, you _ass_.” Roman muttered.

“You know being in my room’s just gonna make you more emotional, right?”

“You told me you were gonna pretend you spent the night with King.” Roman pulled back, glaring at Virgil. “You _didn’t_ tell me how _amazing_ you’d look in royal robes. We could have been wearing matching costumes this whole time! I could make you your own circlet!”

“No.”

“Virgil!”

“Would you be distracted if I told you you’re acting this morning was great?”

“Oh, I know.” Roman flipped his hair to the side. “I was worried I’d gone overboard, but I was pouring my heart and _soul_ into that performance. I bet even that pompous ‘King’ bought it! You, by the way, were fairly convincing yourself.” he smiling at Virgil. “Now, I wonder how you’d look showing up in my sash… and with a black vest, some purple trimming, the right pants-”

“I’m not dressing up like a prince, Princey.”

“Viiiiiiirgil!”

**Author's Note:**

> I had alot of filler originally where I Virgil and Pride were making it seem like they maybe, were POSSIBLY dating, and everyone was pressing harder and harder to figure out if they really were without outright asking (As that would ruin the fun! -Remy) but this ran smoother.


End file.
